Happy Sunday to you all friends! Hope everyone is having a great end of their week, or for some, start of their week. Either way I hope you’re all clapping your hands in happiness.
This past week…err rather, few months have been very, if there is a better word to put with it, difficult. I took a break from writing to do a bit of reflection from what life has been giving me. You know the saying, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” But what happens when life gives you an abundance of lemons and you’re sick of lemonade?
A lot has happened in the last few months since my last update. Career plans have changed, personal life has changed and well, in general, I have changed myself. It’s not weird for me to say that I’m not the same person as I was last year, a few weeks ago, yesterday, go on and so forth. To be honest, I’m actually happy on the path that I’m taking. But the path to get there is not so easy.
My simple wish was to live happy and to bring happiness to those I love. Learning that emotions are temporary can be a burden, but can also be seen as a blessing in disguise. I’ve had a negative connotation on sadness, anger and any other emotion that doesn’t serve me in a positive way. I would push it away by finding things and people who served me as a temporary happiness. Just so that I wouldn’t have to feel so… defeated. In short, I really didn’t know how to feel. I would just think so positively even though my heart was slowly breaking. I didn’t allow myself to have a chance to cry or yell. I just went about my day with a smile and hoped for a better day.
With an open heart and an open mind, I can officially say that I have been feeling very broken.
I have been struggling, and at times when I feel like I should be happy, all I can think about is how temporary this all is. And that’s okay. I’ve been coping the best way that I can so I can start to feel a lot more like myself again.
I’m starting to embrace all emotions for me to feel whole. When I’m sad, I will cry with no hesitation. When I’m upset about something, I’ll speak up. When I’m angry, I’ll yell and scream. Breaking the thought that I should constantly be the girl with a smile on my face is really hard. I let people around me think that I had it together and say that I’m lucky because I don’t let the small things get to me. But even other encouraging words made me feel like I was lying to them and also lying to myself. I’ve shared so much of my happiness with you all, but never showed you that I have my days too.
I feel grateful for all the good days, but most thankful for all the bad days. My simple wish for my new path to happiness is now: on days when I feel like the world is on my shoulders, I can sit and self reflect on my own terms. Then come out and show the world a better and whole person with a genuine smile on my face.
Until my next adventure,
Stay sweet, stay happy, and look forward to better days.